New Element Discovered
The CSIRO announced the discovery of a perverse, perplexing atom
The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3-6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.
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I’d like to credit this. It appears to be a derivative work of David Saum’s Administratium, seemingly adapted and possibly posted at this page New Element Discovered! Let me know if anyone has a more accurate author link and name.
Hat tip: Douglass MacKinlay
UPDATE: Stanley in Alaska finds the earliest original source
This bit of humor has been adapted from the January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher, “New chemical Element Discovered by William DeBuvitz ” William DeBuvitz is a physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey (USA). He retired in June of 2000.
Thanks Stanley (Thanks William too). 🙂
A great idea for post that uses humour to highlight just how badly we are being served by our present system of Government.
When we try to make informed voting decisions our perception of reality is distorted by smart media operators and a no holds barred approach to gaining power at any cost to the taxpayer, payable in arrears. We seem powerless to control the machine.
Getting value out of governments has never been easy but is almost impossible in the current media controlled world , so how do we change that?
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The way in which they distort reality is through the use of words. Words do have magic, in the way they are used, and the majority of people are caught under the spell.
But all spells are just a code for creating an impression in the mind. Once you can recognise the code, and start to understand it, your mind will naturally start to reject anything that is presented in that code.
Concepts are usually multi-dimensional, the majority of propaganda lacks that richness of expression. The more more you practice doing this, the easier it becomes to recognise what is happening.
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True Rereke
It seems that you and I have achieved that state of Nirvana (or is it informed cynicism) but what do we do about the rest of the population who move en-mass with every new media campaign.
In Australia we are easily managed by media pulses on Football, Beer, Cricket, Beer, Partisan Politics (you must have a side), Beer and Loud Music. If you want something more intellectual and feel compassionate you can follow the adds and send lots of money to save starving children in Africa.
The good thing about this media distraction is that it prevents Australians from looking down at where they are walking; if they did they may see they are going nowhere (despite the mining boom) and up to their knees in SH%T in terms of having governments that plan for a decent way of living.
Arrr
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The best way to rid yourself of media control is to use Critical thinking, take what you read and apply the test of the truth as you know it. It’s easy to spot BS when you do this as the falsity in the particular article will stand out like the proverbial Dog’s B’s when compared to what you know of the real world outside of Media spin.
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Note the fun they are having in comments on http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2837459/posts that post. Can someone bring back the edited best?
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Sorry Jo, I tried, but most of the comments there are very much U.S. politics – centric.
However, there is a link posted to what is probably the original internet post of the original story from 1994, which is worth a read:
http://stuff.mit.edu/afs/athena/activity/l/libertarians/Etc/New-Element-Administratium
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In the spirit of the piece I am reminded of the great physicist’s joke that always brings the house down:
A neutron walks into a bar and the barman says, “What’ll you have?”, to which the neutron replies, “A pint”. The barman serves the neutron the pint, then the neutron asks, “How much?”, and the barman says, “No charge”.
Boom boom.
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Governmentium is not matter. It never matters. In fact, it more correctly should be clasified as an element of dark matter. Its existance creates the widely accepted phenomena of financial black holes which eject debt clear across the galaxy at the speed of propaganda. The resulting nebula of backruptcy can be seen on clear nights when the the street lights are dimmed due to power becoming unaffordable.
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Sorry Waffle, but I beg to differ.
Governmentium IS matter, and so therefore it DOES matter.
The historical record shows that EVERY two-bit quasi-political bully, from the local parking inspector, to the likes of Stalin and Mao, have employed copious quantities of Governmentium to achieve their odious and disastrous goals.
In fact the employment of Governmentium by those who would terrorise us, control us, and enslave us, is only exceeded by their regular (some say addictive) use of the deadly compound Di-Hydrogen Monoxide.
It is common knowledge that all the disparate components of Governmentium – neutrons, assistant neutrons, deputy assistant neutrons, assistant deputy neutrons, morons and peons, are prone to react more readily in the presence of Di-Hydrogen Monoxide.
The scandal deepens when it is realised that quite often the Di-Hydrogen Monoxide is “cut” with even more deadly substances, such as the planet-destroying Dioxide of Carbon.
In street-wise lingo this substance is often referred to by the secret phrase:
“Things go better with Coke”.
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hilarious MV
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A particularly good one. The Periodic Table of Meat is also all over the www.
I recommend Newsbiscuit and The Daily Mash RSS feeds for a daily chuckle.
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Wouldn’t it be great to have the GREEN things protesting to have it banned for its excessive carbon emissions,or something
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I think I lost an electron.
— Are you sure ?
— Yeah, I’m positive.”
http://www.gdargaud.net/Humor/QuotesScience.html
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Just when we all thought that “the science is settled”, some bright bastard goes and discovers a new element !
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Jo,
As you know, I had to create my own World.
This one sucked too much on many levels….
🙂
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A Neutron walks into a pub and orders a beer.
The bartender draws him a beer.
The Neutron asks how much.
Bartender says free of charge, mate!
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If I had a penny for every time I’d heard that joke 😉
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… Somebody from the Guvmint would try to tax you on it.
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I just found my new poster. Brilliant, and coming out of the printer, to pasted on the wall as I type. 🙂
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And all 312 of them are “yes” men.
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Love it memoryvault. An absolute classic.
The scandal deepens when it is realised that quite often the Di-Hydrogen Monoxide is “cut” with even more deadly substances, such as the planet-destroying Dioxide of Carbon.
In street-wise lingo this substance is often referred to by the secret phrase:
“Things go better with Coke”.
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Ah, they missed a bit though, there is a byproduct; Absurdium! This in the absence of critical debate all too often transmutates into a deadly toxin called regulatus absurdium. It’s symptoms are commonly seen on small to medium businesses and can quickly choke all but the strongest.
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Que mattb, kr, brooksie the old-man-beater, ross…
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And if their boss Doctor Smith turned up, then they’d have a quorum.
Now there is a morass!
Tony.
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It should be noted that these two elements are allowed to act without any negative feedback from the utterly inert mainstream medium of Watchons and Lookons (but never Reportons).
Lame joke time:
The barman says “what will you have?”
A tachyon goes into a bar…
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Clever
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Love it – the same element exists in the UK…..
Actually, I just read that photons have mass. I didn’t even realise that they were Catholic…
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When enough Governmentium forms a solid mass in nature, it is always made impure by another substance: Lobbyium.
Lobbyium itself is the decay product of Special Interestium.
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Freemanium has an atomic mass of 7 Billion ,unfortunately it also
has many moron and peon particles , Which causes a reaction which
produces slothium,Ignoranium and cretinium allowing Governmentium to use the element walkalloverusium.
Another element called Internetium has a property that eats walkalloverusium
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Governmentium does exist….
Governmentium = mind over matter they don’t mind and we dont matter
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Ther would be no Governmentium if there were no Ryots and Peons getting excited enough to provide the necessary bankrobsium electrons.
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http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/leaked-climate-emails-force-carbon-dioxide-to-resign-201111234578/
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It is not completely inert. Governmentium can be guaranteed to react to any solution containing special particles called bandwagons. The reaction consists of Governmentium bonding with any stray bandwagons automatically increasing their mass & electro-emotive force.
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Hmmm,
I’ll check my records but I think I have a Bell Labs memo from ~1960, much photocopied, that was in the same vein.
On the other hand, you have to remember that if you raise issues like this, Governmentium/Administratium/Bureaucracium, etc will place you on their:
Special High Intensity Training list
to make sure
your mind is right!
LOL in Oregon
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I received that memo, when it first came out.
It was annotated: “Please read, then erase your initials and initial your erasure.”
I spent several days doing that, until I ran out of space …
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Thanks Jo for the good laugh, you are right this gem deserves a wider audience!
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Yes, yes, yessssss!
It lubricates the windmills!!!
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“Democtratium” – the really important bit that’s missing in Govermentium!
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Replaced by Diktatorium. Sorry.
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The greatest concentration of governmentium in the world is in Davos, although some say there is a particularly rich vein at Bilderberg. Bilderberg we know decided to talk about global cooling not long after Climategate 1, which caused something of a stir.
Well for the perfect, um, storm here is a comment from a UK Telegraph reporter at the Davos meeting this morning:
Worst in 66 years? So the Bilderbergians might’ve been onto something? Does governmentium attract snow? Maybe that is a neat scientific explanation for the Gore effect.
And best of luck to the Occupy Davos people as they camp out in their igloos.
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Jo, I take it that the CSIRO you refer to is the one otherwise known as Completely Stupid Ignoramuses Representing Ozzies.
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I was sent this version by friends in Northern Ireland in 2010. Stormont is the local Parliament there.
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Ha ha, all very amusing I’m sure. This blog is a bit of a joke isn’t it?. Any real science to comment upon/add to I wonder?
Thought not.
(Where is yours?) CTS
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Temp shut down while we’re on holiday.
Service resumes Monday next.
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Go for it. Serious input welcomed.
http://joannenova.com.au/2012/01/dr-david-evans-the-skeptics-case/#comment-937403
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Twelve hours and not a peep.
Obviously “Temp” isn’t up to REAL science, despite all his bluff and blunder.
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Oh yes, and continuing on from my comment at #1.1, the media and the warmists they support, are so seriously serious about organising the end of everything, that they have to schedule time in their diaries for spontaneity: “2-2.15 every other thursday, except during Lent”.
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Hey Temp, you haven’t brought up any real science so far, why start now!
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Piss off.
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Tres concis
🙂
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Dr Smith, I presume…
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Governmentium is short lived as it does not conform to the law of symbiosious.Being a parasittium it relies on new Ryot electrons arriving on hydrogen dioxide to replace the natural Ryots whose tenure in the endless laborium has been eaten up.
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For more comedy check out http://wattsupwiththat.com/2012/01/25/another-giss-miss-this-time-in-iceland/
My favourite GISS post is this one http://wattsupwiththat.com/2010/12/25/do-we-care-if-2010-is-the-warmist-year-in-history/
and
who was it said ‘a comedy of errors’
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Val,
I really enjoy it when the wharmist crowd say, “last year was the hottest on record!!!!!!!” (multiple exclamation marks are mandatory by edict, I understand).
Because it give me the opportunity to sit back, relax, ponder the year past, and think, “Well, that wasn’t so bad then, was it? It makes you wonder what all the fuss was about”.
The idiots creating the spin still haven’t figured out that the line is so counterintuitive. Seriously, they are amateurs.
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Ha, Ha,
Brilliant. Held together by Morons
🙂
That sounds just so plausible, for an undetectable force which simply must exist, to explain all the rest of it.
Has one of them escaped perhaps ?
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Yep, see comment #29.
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Administratium is a well-known joke in scientific circles, and is a send-up of both the bureaucracy of universities and scientific establishments, and on their descriptions of newly discovered chemical elements. In 1991, Thomas Kyle (the supposed discoverer of this element) was awarded an Ig Nobel Prize for physics, making him one of only three fictional people to have won the award.
The piece was originally written by William DeBuvitz in 1988 and first appeared in The Physics Teacher (January 1989 issue).
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Invented matter actually has a history.
In my, er, youth, in the late 60’s and early 70’s, I started reading a lot, and (like all boys I suppose) I was into Science Fiction. Luckily, I got into the Masters, Asimov, Heinlein, EE (Doc) Smith, and to a lesser degree Arthur C Clarke, and while Heinlein was mostly Fantasy, it was not like the Science Fantasy of today, most of which is junk IMHO.
I especially loved Asimov, and chased up everything of his I could find in paperback. Publishing Houses luckily put together his plethora of short stories into collections, and I found two of them, one a 2 volume set in paperback, and another a three volume set, these volumes placing his short stories into the one place, most of them having been submitted to John Campbell’s Astounding magazine
In one of them The Early Asimov (in 2 Volumes) there was a short story titled The Endochronic Properties of Resublimated Thiotimoline.
As most of you know Asimov’s, er, ‘day job’ was as a Biochemist, and as he was getting close to finishing his PhD, he already had a now burgeoning 9 year career writing SF.
Having to submit a paper for his Doctorate, Isaac wanted some practice and he fooled around with a SF attempt at doing a full paper in the actual manner and form required for submitting Chemistry papers for his studies.
The result was this short article more than a story.
It was published by Campbell, and Isaac didn’t want it published under his own name for fear of Boston Uni finding out and thinking he was, er, ‘taking the piss’ so to speak, something Campbell ignored.
Isaac was horrified that it went out under his full name, but it was so well received by everyone it didn’t matter. He duly received his Doctorate and ended up as a tenured full Professor of Biochemistry at Boston University.
I know that there’s people based in actual Science who do visit here, and if they haven’t heard or seen this, it may actually be of some interest.
I have a couple of links.
Thiotimoline at Wikipedia
Link to the short story itself. This is a monster pdf so you’ll need a reader, and the story is right close to the bottom of the page, which has all the short stories in this Volume. Also in luck is that modern computing enables you to open up those large pdf documents at the exact space being visited in them, so when you do open it up, I have set it so that it opens directly at this particular short article .
The article itself is done in the form a paper and is very cleverly done.
Of note in Thiotimoline is that Isaac included a carbon based element as well, this in the form of an aromatic hydrocarbon.
Asimov went on to include this invented compound into three subsequent short stories.
Where are there writers like this in this day and age, although in a way Peter F Hamilton from the UK comes close in his Night’s Dawn trilogy.
I still like to revisit some of that early SF from Asimov, especially the original Foundation series. Maybe we need someone like Hari Seldon right now.
Tony.
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Those Doc E E Smith books are great fun. Got them all 🙂
Far more imagination than even the AGW crowd !!
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I believe Governmentium is not an element, but an unnatural organism. Natural organisms, tend to proliferate if successful. Governmentium grows on its own failures.
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with EU govts wanting to make oil more expensive and renewables more attractive, this would seem to be the logic behind the embargo, and it will have consequences:
25 Jan: Bloomberg: Alessandra Migliaccio: Iran Embargo May Speed Refinery Closures
The European Union’s embargo on Iranian oil threatens to accelerate refinery closures in Europe, the head of Italy’s refiners’ lobby said.
“Asian countries not applying the embargo could buy the Iranian oil at a discount and sell cheap refined products back to us,” Piero De Simone, general manager of Unione Petrolifera, said in an interview in Rome yesterday. “Italy already risks the closure of five refineries and at a European level we’re talking about 70 possible shut downs.” …
“With crude oil prices high and likely to remain high, margins are set to remain under pressure,” Barclays Plc analyst Amrita Sen said in a note yesterday. “We would expect further closure of simple, non-profitable refineries in both the U.S. and Europe.” …
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-01-25/iran-embargo-may-speed-europe-refinery-closures-after-petroplus-failure.html
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When in close proximity to Greenium, Governmentium apparently becomes magnetized.
It’s repulsive.
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One can assume from this that Governmentium is subject to a severe lack of Momentium and bogged down by an overdose of Inertium,or something
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Governmentium is one member of the family of elements called Bureaucraciums.
Bureaucraciums are often know to spontaneously form in the presence of complex paper forms and associated processes and procedures. They repel direct examination and therefore are often confused with Schrödinger’s cat; the difference being there is only, usually, one Schrödinger’s cat; whereas there can be multiple Bureaucraciums…
In fact Bureaucraciums attract each other until they reach a critical mass where they spontaneously produce higher order elements know as Commiteiums (which often bare no relationship to anything known in reality). Commiteiums then seem able to exponentially produce Bureaucraciums on mass when exposed to Money… Commiteiums also repel direct examination by producing meaningless reports…
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I have noticed that when those insidious moron forces become too strong they break down the goodjudgmentium molecule into two vacuousthinkum molecules and a large amount of indecisively charged hot air. Could that explain both global warming and the inability of so many to avoid being sucked in by it?
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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
You will enjoy, I’m sure, the video at
http://www.barnabyisright.com
which features the late and great George Carlin–
“An Entertaining Tutorial In Spotting Politicians’ Bullshit”
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[…] follows is rather old and may be known to some, however it is worthy of repetition. Courtesy of JoNova comes comes notice of something written by William Debuvitz in 1988 and appeared in the January […]
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There is also Skepticium. It is believed to exist, but no one has ever seen it, because as soon as anyone tries to pin it down, it subtly changes position, and you have to start looking all over again.
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Here’s another one Joe and Rereke (see post #29)!
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+ Post #32
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You mean like Hansen’s global warming scenario “predictions” a la septical science, or
the linear direct relationship alleged between CO2 levels and temperature, or
“Global Warming” morphing into “CAGW” morphing into “Climate Change”, morphing into Global Climate Disruption.
Or something like that.
Is that what you’re alluding to, JB?
If so, I can understand your frustration.
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“Global Climate Disruption” is decaying into Sustainabilityium.
Brown, Lester. “The Green Agenda.” Opinion. The Green Agenda. http://green-agenda.com/
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Government is run like a big party.
The only surety is the party must be re-sanctioned or be ended every few years.
It’s all about the numbers.
Watch the PM stand up & make cheap shots every week in the House, instead of answering the questions, because they know it’s all about the numbers.
However, in Europe power has been transferred from the national parties to unelected beaurocrats of the EU, where the party never ends.
Be thankful for your party system & beware & be wary of any pollies seeking to divert powers, funds or authority to the never ending party of the UN, where the partygoers aren’t elected by the people, but appointed by and from within the bodies of national partygoers, the morons if you like.
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Pure brilliance!
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When things come into contact with this mysterious element, they instantly act in reverse to Darwin’s theories in origen of species.
The more incompetent, useless, and unadaptable a thing is; the more rapidly it grows and expands.
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Councillor Matt
Speaking of incompetent, useless and unadaptable… are you going to let your electorate know that you’re no longer “politically unaligned” but will vote with the Greens? Or are you still hiding your true political colours from your constituency?
How is concealing your Green political sympathies from your voters any different than lying to them?
Btw, you forgot to post that link to your election campaign material you promised us.
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Wes,
I think you have me confused with someone else. I have no electorate, nor Green sympathies.
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Sorry, Matt. I mistook you for MattB
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3FnpaWQJO0
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I think we have an example of Governmentium trying to reduce interactions.
Bob Brown seems to want to control the media and license journalists.
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Presumably the kind of licensing process Bob has in mind is to ensure that all licensed journos:
* are RESPECTFUL of authority and sympathetic to the difficult job of tyranny.
* are EAGER to help the government carry out all of its tasks uncritically.
* are UNABLE to reach a logical conclusion when presented with true propositions.
* are DISINTERESTED in showing statistics in a larger context to convey a fair risk assessment of events.
* are BLASÉ about pushing their opinion or anyone else’s opinion as a fact.
* are CONDESCENDING to the public who obviously don’t know what’s good for themselves.
* are SILENT on threats to free speech and intimidation of the Government’s critics.
* are POORLY trained on topics they are expected to report on.
* are IGNORANT of history and desire to remain that way to preserve their (and our) childish innocence.
* are BLIND to injustice and the corrupt tyrannical misanthropes infesting the government.
* are REWARDED for shallow and shoddy journalism and asking soft questions in interviews.
* are DEVOTED to bringing about the New World Order’s One World Government by Green Death Industrial Collapse and the eternal adoration of their regional deputy Big Brother Bob.
And a special hello to all our friends in ASI0, because some keywords push ALL of Google’s buttons.
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Govermentium was discovered many centuries ago, but the analysis has eluded both chemists and physisists until this day. The inconsistancy of it’s make up makes analysis impossible, it is so chaotic in it’s behaviour that placing it in the atomic scale has been a less than successful exercise.
It has been hoped as the centuries pass that new methods would pin it down, but it evolves faster than the flu. Thus to this date the morons and the kleptons are multiplying rapidly and can not be eliminated as they are part of the governmentium that has been amply demonstrated to be an impure element, thus analysis is not possible.
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Jo:
The first description of “administratium” that I can find was the article “Heaviest Element Discovered” by Thomas G. Kyle in the “Journal of Irreproducable Results”, circa 1992 (I have copy in my files, FAXed to me by a friend, FAX header date is 6 January, 1993).
All the others (Governmentium, etc.) appear to be adaptions…
Regards,
David
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And yes, he was associated with LANL and is the editor of this 1991 textbook:
http://www.amazon.com/Atmospheric-Transmission-Emission-Scattering-Thomas/dp/0080402879
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Canadians are suffering from a input of this new element in our parliament, also. In order to accommodate the increased growth in different sectors, new MPs must be added. However, Quebec must have a certain percentage by Constitution, so they will get more, also. The weird thing is that the representation-by-population does not take media, centralized populations with common concerns, and the ability to move quickly large distances into account. In this day and age of technology, we need LESS people to be in touch with, and truly represent more people than ever before.
We should be REDUCING the number of MPs, not increasing them. And employees of ministries. Computers enable us to do more, not less. Running the country should take less of us with all the communication advantages we have – running the country is NOT doing the work of the country, after all, but only the admin. The ratios of overseer to worker should be drastically dropping, not rising.
Man, if I were in government … I would be hated, for sure.
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Doug,
You aren’t alone my friend. You and I would both be hated. But it sure would be worth it.
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Sadly when the Governmentium breaks down all we get is a great big pile of BullShitinium which you can use on the garden I suppose.
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The elemental discovery by CSIRO was made some time ago before that august and leading scientific organisation started to protect itself from harmful comments. Now it has that protection. It mandates every new CSIRO building be cleared of Evil Spirits through the agency of a ‘Smoke’ ceremony conducted by an Expert Aboriginal person skilled in such techniques. So watch out lest the Great Rainbow Snake gobbles you unbelievers and climate deniers up.
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Ruddicule.
The act of making yourself look ridiculous by speaking aloud in public, thoughts which are
better kept to oneself.
Adj: Ruddiculous.
Verb: To ruddicule.
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When an uranium nucleus is bombarded with a neutron it splits into two smaller nuclei. On the other hand, governmentium has a strange property. It is protected by strange repulsive forces called apathy, ignorance and arrogance which come into play when it is bombarded with a reasontron or a skeptictron.
Time to update the periodic table.
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great!
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